i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize