He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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