Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
