You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
40s are totally the cure
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
