YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
