i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
