I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
