We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
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So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
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The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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