She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
