I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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