Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
