I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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