when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
