Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize