Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.