god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant