lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.