I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
