Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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