Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Randomize
