I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
