she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
