I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
