I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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