Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
