Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
