Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
