escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
