I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
