he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
