All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
