I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
