he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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