I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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