addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize