got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Can I color on your dick again?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
