i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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