Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize