Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
