p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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