You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
