Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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