I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
