U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
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