I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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