The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
