His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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