you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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