What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
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