You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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