If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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