dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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