I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
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You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
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Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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