I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
