Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
