I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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