i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
