I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
