A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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