and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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