Barsexuality is the new black.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
